Sunday, July 26, 2009

My Swiss Miss

Switzerland is secretly a country full of sex maniacs. I don't have definitive proof, but I do have listings for dozens if not hundreds of massage and modeling houses that turned up while I was trying to identify this place after the fact. Thanks to my lousy grasp of Swiss street signs (and some questionable directions) I was in the middle of a little town called Hegnau in the middle of the night looking for a club called Teatro. The street I was looking for was Zurcherstrasse, and there was about a block of road that had the name as I was looping around this tiny traffic circle trying to decide which of the other roads might be the other part of it. None were, but that's hindsight talking. Off this little strip of road that was part of the main drag (think local highway), I noticed a building kind of set down in a notch heading down a large hill toward the autobahn. Think overpass and next street to the left. It was clearly marked with sign "Studio Girls" and reddish lighting. It was the only thing open nearby around 3-ish, so maybe it was Teatro? I got a little further South and Zurcherstrasse didn't reappear, so I turn and head back.

Parked on the side of the place along Buelstrasse behind another car and took a quick look around on foot. No clear entrance on the topside to Studio Girls, but there was a sidewalk that led to some doors on the second level and small sign that said "Studio Orchid". It was so quiet I didn't even hear crickets chirping, just my shoes scraping against the ground while shifting in place looking for the best way down. Decided Orchid was either closed or a little shadier than I was in the mood for. Teatro looked like a solid option on their website, and after the nuttiness down in the Zurich red light district I was still trying to redeem the evening. So I walk down a steep set of steps and walked along the front of the building until I reached a door at the end of the narrow sidewalk. Still didn't hear anything and the lighting wasn't that great. All the windows were blacked out so that didn't help either trying to figure out what was going on inside.

So I try the door, which is unlocked and I walk inside. I find myself in a little lobby, completely alone. Directly in front of me is a set of heavy drapes that were closed tight and I could not see past. To my right was a long, dark and narrow hallway with a couple of doors on the left side with slight cracks in them…and a room all the way at the end with a door half open. I can see that room has red lights on and a neatly made bed in front under an interesting large red painting. I say hello from where I was standing, and didn't get a response or hear anything stir in the distance. I'm standing there another few beats, and finally pick out something in the distance. It sounds like a female voice, but I can't tell exactly how far off and what's going on. It wasn't talking. Maybe it was a tv, maybe it was a girl getting turned out, hard to tell, but the only way to find out was to walk down that long hallway. I took maybe a step in that direction and froze. The sounds had stopped. Choices? Call out again? Keep walking? Run like hell?

Run like hell!

I bolt back out of the door, dash down the long sidewalk, and practically fly up the stairs back towards the car. Fire up the engine, foot on the gas and I'm gone without looking back. For whatever reason, every horror movie I've ever seen (good and bad) flooded into my head a step down that hallway and turned into GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. I, of course, felt ridiculous afterward for freaking out. First time for everything, I suppose. But when the worst case scenario is getting ambushed in a sleepy little town with a near defenseless position, and little to no chance of being found if you come out on the short end, there was nothing at the end of the hallway which could have balanced out the risk. Like I said at the top, I did eventually find a credible source for what this place could be, complete with a website and sister establishment down in the city. From what I read it seems to work a lot like the escort clubs all over town, think Club Ahprodisia, and has some pics and info of the girls online. The information looks legitimate enough, but not sure I'd ever go back again.

I did eventually find Teatro. Figured the strange tale of the only club I've ever hot-footed away from rated its own review, though. Yeah, I can laugh about it now...

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Ten Commandments for Strippers

  • Thou shalt practice, practice, practice.
  • Thou shall not resist mints, soap, and deodorant as your friends.
  • Thou shalt befriend the snake.
  • Thou shall not be a bitch.
  • Thou shalt accept no for an answer.
  • Thou shall not blame the customer.
  • Thou shalt act like an entertainer in a customer service business.
  • Thou shall not forget your shit is not our shit (and vice versa).
  • Thou shalt earn (not expect) a tip.
  • Thou shall not rip the customers off.

Friday, July 3, 2009

The Ten Commandments for Strip Clubbing?

Found some links recently to Top 10 lists with a twist, they're strip club related from the perspective of dancers and customers. The ones below were the most interesting of those I read. I think I'll take a stab at writing my own, and maybe will post some thoughts on the ones I've linked to. Consider this entry a work in progress...

From a Customer Perspective:

From a Dancer Perspective:

Others Lists: